Distant Love

You sit at the kitchen table
eyes tracking
stories,
updates,
Likes & emojis.
“I need you, Daddy.” he says,
but you don’t hear.
“Daddy!” he tries again.
“Okay! Okay!” you hiss.
You scroll on,
He calls.
And he calls,
his voice groggy with weariness and anxiety.
He disappears into his “adventurous dreams”
without your goodnight kiss,
without the warmth of your form beside him,
without “one last drink, Daddy.”,
without giggling at one of your corny jokes.

You son fades away from you
one night at a time.
Missed opportunities pile up
like snowflakes in the blizzards’ highest drifts –
imperceptible to you
within your isolation.
Like an addict

imprisoned by moments of euphoria
and methods of escape,
you sacrifice the only things that matter.

But the blizzard rages still
for your son.
Strong winds
threaten
the stability of his steps.
He loses part of himself
in the mounds of snow –
each step deepens his loss.
The accumulation
swallows parts of him
until he’s not sure
who he is anymore –
who he wants to be –
who deserves his attention and affection.

Old age is stealthy,
surrounding us
with the fruits of our life.

Strained relationships,
stretched and soured
by years of neglect,
await you.

Your wife tired
of a loveless marriage
and found contentment
without you.
You hardly noticed.

But, your children.

They love you
from a distance.
They love.
The right choice.
A choice they can live with.

Yet, their hearts and pursuits
are as far away
as the clouds
that darken your life.
They stopped reaching out
for love
long ago,
and learned to cope
with half a heart.

03/08/2017